(Read time about 5 mins)

Today I found myself feeling overwhelmed. Maybe overwhelmed is not the correct word, but i’m not at peace.

I figured, why not just write about it and let my feelings out. I mean, you all let me into vulnerable moments in your lives, why not let you into mine?

Did you guys know that I left my fulltime job? If not, follow me on TikTok, I posted it there lol (@BekaTheDoula). That was a GREAT decision! I was working at that place for a little over 5 years, that’s crazy!! But it was finally time to get out of there and with the help and support of my husband, it was possible! Happy as a bee:) Photography & Doula Services FULL TIME! <insert excited emoji>

So i’ve been in a funk, possibly because as I left my job and the whole lock down thing started.-. My sleep schedule never fixed (still working on it). I was a night shift worker so transitioning has been hard. Because of everything going on, it was a good time to leave work.

I’m grateful that i’ve been able to get so much sleep, it’s a blessing and a curse lol. Apparently I’ve been tired, but after so much sleep It feels like the days are wasted. I do think my sleep schedule is finally evening out, I think i’m currently sleeping at the latest 3am and waking up around 10am… not too shabby :p It beats going to sleep at 7 am and waking up at 3-4ish -.-

I’ve been finding it hard to let my mind rest & be in the moment. I feel like i have so much stuff I want to do and no will power to do them… Maybe i’m just psyching myself out (because in reality its not a lot).

I’ve successfully cleaned my house! I mean as clean as it’ll get with 2 doggos and a cat >.< My office no longer looks like the office/storage room, you know like the ones in the movies where everything falls out when you open the door :p (Don’t check the closets though… that’s the next project)

My mother-in-law came by to add some color to my patio area! It very much needed it & I have to say, SO DID I!! A cute dash of color apparently makes a HUGE difference.

I’m enjoying lots of home time with the hubs & pets. Working on things for myself little by little. Bible study, skin care, positivity. My skin routine is getting a lot of attention, I even have the hubs doing face masks (shh don’t tell him I told you).

Working on getting everything done for my doula certification. I’m a little sad that I can’t take photos & meet new mamas :( Happy that I get to stay in touch with the ones I’ve met! Seeing their littles grow is just the cutest! ♡

However, the hubs and I went out for a walk the other day and took the camera out. It was nice to just have some fresh air.

I really miss my family and friends. I miss hugs. I’m pretty antisocial but I really need my group of people. One of my bestfriends was supposed to come home… but thats not happening, that really really sucks.

My nieces b-day is coming up, I’m pretty sad for her that we won’t be able to celebrate. We’re going to do a virtual birthday (Facetime)., but its just not the same. We got her a gift, I hope she likes it… also a confetti canon!! That’ll be fun!

I thought i’d be able to go over and see them all more often now that i’m not working and they’re out of school but for their safety we can’t do that. It’s not worth the risk at all! My two older nieces have tiktoks, its quite fun to watch them dance haha

I’m just being bummy and probably making excuses on stalling and not being the best version of myself. My emotions are out of wack also, i’m happy once second and the other i’m saaaaaadddd. It comes and goes.

I’m feeling much better after writing this all out. Feels nice to have two doggos by my side and a cat that drives me absolutely insane>.<

Today is Tuesday! That means DATE NIGHT with the hubs! I’m super excited, I think we might be doing living room dancing! Fun!!!!

Update:

We actually went outside with chalk and spread some positivity! I’m not sure if its considered graffiti or not lol I mean it’s chalk… it washes off… and it was for a good cause lol After that we got some snacks and drove around for a bit :)